Note: This is a parody, but does have extra meaning since it was posted prior to 12/24/09 (March ’09 in fact).
This is why we must soldier on. This could be your home town. Those could be your friends and family. This is what we fight. This is why.
I know some folks will think I’m being a dick, but this story just got to me.
Go on, give it a read.
Back? Ok. The first thing the city officials should do is check to see who gos to, or went to, the Burning Man event here in the states. I mean come on, it’s a large effigy that is constructed from highly flammable materials, what other possible fate could this thing have.
Well, there was that one time where the legs got cut off, so I guess a hovering legless goat is one fate. Maybe call it a goat float.
But where the WIN is, is in this sttement:
This year the city Web site offers users a chance to follow the goat’s fate via a Webcam, Twitter page and a blog — in both Swedish and English.
Really? Twitter? I can just see it now comming over the feed:
Latest from @SweedishBurningGoat
OMFG!!! I’M ON FIRE YALL. CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT! HURRY!
OMFG!!! Jag er PÅ ELD YALL. KALLA Elden Avdelning! skynda på
And it’ll all be on live webcam feed too.
And then there’s this:
In 2005, the goat was burned down by two arsonists dressed up as Santa Claus and the Gingerbread Man. They were never caught.
I bet ole St. Nick was mumbling something about pegan symbols and burning witches.
Kinzie loves her some noggin. I have yet to figure out why she does this, but she’ll keep licking my head until I get up and leave. Then she acts all hurt. Must be a dog thing or something. Once you get over the gross factor, it is kind of relaxing and she’s pretty thorough about full coverage. I just wish she wouldn’t obsess about the eyes.
X’s&O’s Loves me a sugdog.
I’ve seen a fair share of disaster flicks in my time, but this one is so full a fail I don’t even know where to begin. I’m still kind of numb from the experience. My disbelief has been suspended so far, I’m going to have to file a missing persons report on it tomorrow. Gee whiz. WTF was that?
To start off, the first third, no half, is like a trip through the head of a 13 year old with a terminal case of ADD. I started mumbling things like “yup, they’re gonna die”, and “when are they gonna just die already” at fairly random (yet oddly regular) intervals.
Most disaster movies have something epicly bad happen to a set of characters. Then they battle adversity and finally triumph at the end. Not 2012. It just keeps ramping up, and ramping up, until your head assplodes. Did the old monk really have to die, yet nearly the whole african continent got off pretty much scott free? Really? And Gordon? Sure, he was kind of douche, but he made good near the end, and a had a Russian hottie in tow. But they both had to die? Right at the end? Yet some Chinese construction worker made it, and he was only in the film for about 20 minutes? Granted, that dude looked kind of like Jackie Chan, or was that Jet Li, nope, it was Bruce Lee, yeah, that dude, but still…
Then there was the arks. Bigassed battlestar looking things (but without the pontoons). I couldn’t help but shake my head when the (supposedly hyperintelligent) bridge crew said the hydraulics were jammed keeping the goatse door open and preventing the engines from engaging. Yet there were no hydraulics, only large non-osha approved grind your ass to figgy pudding GEARS. And hydraulics don’t tend to jam, but gears do, but we don’t want to sound too steampunk so we’ll say hydraulics anyway. And these guys are going to save humanity. We’re fucked. If there had been real hydraulics operating the doors, they wouldn’t have jammed, and thus extend this steaming pile of cellulose another 30 minutes. And they rammed Mt. Everest any-freakin-way.
So, if you get off watching the world (and pretty much everyone on it) die for 160 minutes, by all means dig in.
Well, for the first time in a bunch of years it’s snowing, and snowing hard. It looks like nearly a foot so far and it’s still going strong. I guess I’ll be up early tomorrow running the Troy Built blower, but it’s not my Gravely.
It’d be nice to be home, but at the same time it’d be kind of scarry at the same time. I’ve been trying to locate a dog catcher blower for the Gravely, but they all seem to be up in PA, and that’s a ways to drive (not to mention the absolutely shitty experience driving in PA is on a good day). Sure, the plow blade probably does the job, but I wonder how big of a job a half a mile of driveway really is. Don’t think I’ll find out this time around though. I am kind of bummed about not getting to try the buggy in the snow, I was really looking forward to that.
Oh well. Maybe next time.
I just saw an interesting article on yahoo. Seems that a fellow returned a book that was 99 years overdue to the library. The title caught my eye, being it was kind of relevant to political turmoil today. So I googled it.
Here is the news article on yahoo.
“Facts I Ought to Know about the Government of My Country.” by William H. Bartlett circa 1894.
Guess what, google digitized it, and can be downloaded in it’s entirety HERE.
I think I’m going to give it a read, just to see what things were like back then, before things started going sideways.
Ok, this is pretty cool. Admit it.
And while we’re on the subject of carbon, I wonder what the carbon footprint on broods like this are:
Besides personal air breathing (turning O2 into CO2), transportation, heating and entertaining, cooking, and God knows what else, what would be this gaggle’s annual carbon production? Also take into account all the carbon produced in the production of consumables (food). Puppy mills like this make me sick. And to top it off, they’re “reality show stars”. Keep squeezing ‘em out baby! Millions of potatos need moar reality TV.
I just read a couple of articles that kind of made me pause. The first was on this whole global warming BS that’s going on over in europe. The next was a cheery article on CERN’s first recorded proton collision.
What got me about the CERN article was the statement that the experiment was run at a level of “1.18 trillion electron volts”. Wait, wut? 1.18 trillion electron volts? ONE POINT ONE EIGHT TRILLION ELECTRON VOLTS? I’ve seen pictures of the large hardon collider, and that thing doesn’t look like it takes 8 D cell batteries, so I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that 1.18 trillion electron volts would probably fry a small town.
How many tonnes of CO2 were produced to generate 1.18 trillion electron volts for this one experiment that produced “a handful of collisions”? Fuck the CO2, SCIENCE needs to know. Here’s the quote from Yahoo: “They recorded a handful of collisions, and one of them looks quite nice, so it’s on their Web site,” she [Christine Sutton of the European Organization for Nuclear Research, or CERN] said. I do so hope they’re pretty and wallpaper sized for my computer.
And the real kicker: “CERN then plans more collisions at 1.18 TeV to give all experiments the opportunity to record data at that level, but new scientific discoveries are not expected before next year when the beams are ramped up still higher, to 3.5 TeV.” So, nothing new until they push it to 3.5. Wow. All that CO2, and the possibility that the world may just implode. Go science.
Oh, and check out the first article (on the global warming bs). I didn’t know China was a “developing” country. (Shocker alert: they got nukes).
Sauces:
Update: Found some info:
This still means, however, that the project will have been responsible for releasing 616,000 tonnes of carbon dioxide into the world’s atmosphere in 2009 in the pursuit of science extremely unlikely to yield any solutions to climate change this century.
From HERE
I particularly like the first comment at the bottom, where the commenter is evidently a scientist at CERN, who states that the LHC has already benifited mankind by giving us the world wide web (yeah, the internet). I thought Al Gore invented that shit.