Okay, so if anyone reading this is of a Christian background or at least knows of Christian beliefs I say to you now the apocalypse is upon us. The book of Revelations is for filling its prophecy. The seas will boil, the skies will turn red, and the final days of human existence will begin. The good book tells a story of the spawn of Satan. A child, the antichrist, who will be born unto this world. He will rise up and fill the human race with wonderful joys to gain humans trust then fight the ultimate battle with God and try to drag everyone in his path to the depths of hell. You all know what I’m talking about. Fire and brimstone and all that shit. Well I say now THIS MAN HAS BEEN BORN. Matter of fact he has been on this earth for quite some time. Fifty years or so I should guess, and he is continuing his work just as the bible reads. But he is not fooling me one bit and I bet my 1955 double stamped Philadelphia Penny that if Bill Gates were to drop his drawers there would be a big fat mark of the beast, 666, tattooed right on his left ass cheek.
My work PC decided it was time once again to take a giant shit yesterday. I mean it must have been constipated for quite some time because this one was one of the craps you break a sweat from and have to pull the double flush. First my outlook express would not work. You would click on the queer little mailbox and it would display the fucking hourglass of death for about 10 minutes before reading “this program has no response”. No shit Bill. I figure when a program continues to freeze for 10 minutes it has some sort of non-responsive action going on, but hey big props for telling me. Then I think well I will try to google the problem and see what I come up with. WRONG. “Explorer has been disabled Runtime error …” Fuck you. Okay I will go to control panel and see if I can remove and reinstall the programs. Woah. WTF. My control panel ,after “populating list of programs” occurs, turns black. Then white. Then black with vertical white lines. Then ,no shit, fucking black and white checker board. This has to be some kind of NASCAR worm. I can picture it now. Some cunt muscle in the basement of the Norton or MacAfee facility wrote this. With pictures of Dale Jarret, Jimmy Johnson, Earnheart and who knows what other memorabilia tacked to his little 5′x5′ cork board cubicle thought he invented the coolest thing since the induction of the car of tomorrow stunna mobile. Don’t think for a minute these guys are not bought and paid for in full by the all mighty Gates. Fuck you Bill.
So EDog to the rescue. He and I decided it would be best to wipe the drive and reload XP. I will lose somethings like my email addys, since I can’t access address book but through Outlook (thanks Bill), explorer favorite sites, oh and some music too. Oh well FDisk the fucker and start from scratch. After burning what programs I do not have a backup for and could get to I proceed to repartition and format the drive. See ya. I load Xp. This whole process took about 2 hours. Cool Xp is running. Lets go the the windows update site and down load updates I might not have. I know I need to download the Service pack so I get started. “You have 17 critical updates you need to install” Okay click download. 30 minutes later. “Updates installed. Please restart and return to Windows Update for possible updates.” So I restart and return to Windows Update page. “You have 39 critical updates you need to install” No SP2 yet. Shit. 45 minutes later restart. Again back to the site. Still no SP2. “You have 72 critical updates to install” sonofamotherfuckerbeotch. After another 2 hours of downloading its done. Restart. Now I am thinking silently if I have not reached the Service Pack yet I am going to shit a wig. “1 Critical update, Service Pack 2″ Shoowee. Finally up to date software. It takes an hour for the pack to download and install. This part I was expecting. Restart. For shits and giggles I return to the update page and see if I am current. Needless to say after all that jazz I still had about 1 hour more of updates after the a pack just to get current with the latest greatest shit version of XP. After all is said and done and after loading my back up software I had about 8 hours with this atrocity.
Now I could go on telling you how I tried for hours just to import/export my address’ and contacts from one PC to another or I could just tell you BUY A MAC. If I would have tried to export address’ from 1 Mac to another a little icon pops up and says “Hey you were smart enough to buy the right equipment. Now go rub one off and by the time your done all your address’ will be beautifully place where they should be and I’ll be waiting here for your next command.” Don’t you think for 1 second that Hal 5000 was not a Macintosh fire breather! And Fuck all you shitdicks who do not own Mac and say bblah blah blah Mac fagg. If you own any Apple equipment then you know. If you don’t then enjoy your ride on the razor blade stairway to hell with the PidePiper Bill Gates himself leading you to his fathers domain.
Now I’m going to eat my words and go play GH2 on the Beast’s newest “Thor’s Hammer” (360).
Maydog
Oh please, don’t kick the hot chick out of the lair. Wait, why am I watching “Who want’s to be a super hero?”